February, found free.

The backstory

This past weekend, on January 31st, I took the dreaded MCAT. The night before the test, I tried to go to sleep early, but it was nearly impossible to do so while visions of electrical circuits and resistors floated annoyingly through my head. I'd take sugarplums over physics any day.

When I went out to my car the next morning, all my windows were iced over, and, even with my defrost setting and heat on full-blast, I had to wait for what seemed like an interminable amount of time to be able to see through my windshield. Luckily, I arrived at the testing center safely, albeit slightly sleep-deprived and cold, and made it through the entire exam without any major content-related issues or technical glitches.

After months of investing time, energy, and emotion, my long-term relationship with the MCAT finally ended at 12:34 p.m. I'll find out whether or not the tumultuous commitment was worth it when my scores come out on March 4th. I celebrated the sweet end of the MCAT era fittingly, in the sweet company of close friends and the even sweeter comfort of peanut butter mousse-layered chocolate cake from Cafe Intermezzo. Then, I did the one thing I hadn't been able to do for the longest time - I slept peacefully, sans physics, chemistry, or anything remotely academic cluttering the corners of my mind.
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The punchline

I don't remember what things were like before the MCAT was a part of my day-to-day schedule. Now that I'm free to not study, I've found myself filling every available "free" time slot with an event or meeting or errand, because the thought of unchartered territory, of having nothing at all to do, is worse than having to follow the most meticulously-planned schedule in existence.

It would be interesting to see how many of us constantly complain about having copious amounts of academic or professional work because we find those responsibilities socially restricting; but then, when we're finally given freedom to do whatever we want, precisely what we coveted, we end up running away from it rather than embracing it.

It's February, and, although it wasn't easy, I've finally found freedom - freedom from the MCAT and from the stress of once not knowing what I would be doing after graduation. But it might take awhile longer before I can learn how to really be free.